you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
