He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
