How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
It's rum buckets o'clock
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize