I murdered the dance floor call the cops
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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