Jerry, you need to find god
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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