please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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