Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
