I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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