if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
