Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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