He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
