Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
