you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
