So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
