the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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