Dual....:-)
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
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