bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Randomize
