i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
