party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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