so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
