I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
