I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
