I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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