Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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