Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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