She just used a chaser for red wine.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
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