TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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