Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
