a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
