I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
