Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
