I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
