We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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