She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I haven't been this sober since birth.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
