You smell like stripper and shame
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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