If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
