Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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