Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
