Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Randomize
