Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
