toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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