Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
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