i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
