This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
