I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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