Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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