I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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