first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
