Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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