He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
