I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
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He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize