u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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