dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
