I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
