Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
