I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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