No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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