Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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