it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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