I heard we made out
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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