I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Randomize
