guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Dignity is for republicans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize