life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
