You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
