I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
