my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize