there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
porn star boner night. come get it.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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