Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
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