Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
