Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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