she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
