I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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