this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
