the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
