so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
