dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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