i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
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