I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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