I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
wakey wakey hands off snakey
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
