I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
